Kim Crawford's Rants about Fanfiction
by JediKnightoftheRougeSquadron
Summary: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, our very own Kim Crawford has discovered fanfiction about Kickin' It, and is less than pleased with some of what she finds. She has decided to upload her own rants about it. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**I hope that you know when you read this that I am in now way trying to insult you or your story. So please do not feel discouraged, annoyed at me, or just all around angry. Proceed at your own risk.**

**Enjoy.**

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Hi, my name is Kim Crawford. I found out about this site when my best friend, Grace, told me about it. And I have noticed something rather interesting.

Nearly all of the stories seem to involve me and Jack Anderson in some sort of relationship. Some of these stories seem to involve me getting bullied in some shape or other, or me getting hurt badly, or having some deep emotional issues that I need Jack to get me out of.

May I pose a question to all of you ignorant writers out there?

Do I, in any way, seem that I would take crap from someone for very long?

No?

That's what I thought.

I am a black belt in karate. That puts me on the same level of dangerous as Jack.

Plus, Jack doesn't solve all my problems. I still talk to my mom and dad about stuff. Milton, Eddie, and Jerry are my friends too. Grace is still my best friend. And Rudy's sensei. I know that I can go to him with my problems...well, kind of. It doesn't always end up that well.

And please try not to Mary-Sue-ify us. Jack is not exactly the kind of person to take a bunch of crap from someone either. And I'm certainly not the type to be shy.

And Jack and I are not in a relationship. The amount of fics spent on us getting together are staggering and disproportionate to the amount spent on our actual lives. Or any other characters, for that matter.

People should be able to see us overcome problems that happen to us in real life. Don't make up fake backstories about us when we have normal lives. Well, only somewhat...I guess...

Anyways, come back, and I shall see you soon. Until next time, dear readers.


	2. Attack of the Cinderellas

**Wow, I was so in shock when I opened up my inbox the day after and saw all the reviews. Thanks for all the positive feedback, guys. I thought this was going to go unnoticed next to all the Kick fanfics. I guess I was wrong. :)**

**To siriusblackrox123- I don't know if there are any characters you'd specifically like me to do, I probably can. And I'm thinking about it.**

**To the unnamed guest- Yeah, I'll have to read Witness Protection. It sounds really good.**

**To i-miss-old-disney- Yeah. Just try to keep Kim in character and it's all good. :)**

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Welcome back to my rants. I have to give you a few tips. First, let's talk about OCs.

Now, let's say you have the perfect character for Kickin' It (or any fandom, really). Reasons for OCs vary, as what I've noticed. But please do not make them perfect.

Let me explain...no, there is no time. Let me sum up.

OCs can often become Mary Sues. Nothing makes me want to ask Jerry for some of his brain bleach more than descriptions of perfect hair, orbs of surpassing beauty, and an alluring personality to boot.

There are a few Mary Sue types I would like to discuss.

First of all, the Cinderella type.

"Oh, my life is so terrible. I have an abusive parent/guardian, whom I don't try to get away from, because I lack any gumption. My crush is annoying, and is sometimes a stupid jerk, but I can't see past that because he's so hot. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I actually did something to stand up for myself. I can't do anything on my own."

These Mary Sues are annoying, as well as not too bright. They have to be "perfect" otherwise their "love interest" won't see them as the tragically beautiful, lovely girl they're supposed to be.

I have noticed myself, every so often, put into this role. With, Jack at my side, I don't have to anything but stand around, look pretty, and kiss him every so often for the fans's benefit.

Honey, I'm not sure who that girl is, but I'm positive it ain't me.

Well, since I have to go to the dojo to spar in about an hour, I better stop writing this and get my homework done. I'm a blonde and I have a brain. Deal with it.

So long until next time.


	3. TURTLES

**Hey, it's good to see you all again. To Maddy- Yeah, I liked that movie, too! To PalindromePen- Well, you already know my opinion on Kick, so there you go. And thanks, I feel accomplished for not having an bias in it at all. :) To Derpgrrl (guest)- Yeah, hopefully, I'll be able to find good and share it for all the readers to see.**_  
_

**Italics is blog/post/whatever. Normal font is what's going on in real life.**

**Also, this is my birthday, and I'm taking the time to put this up, so...review? Pretty please?**

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_Hey, this Jack, and I'm totally spamming Kim's stuff right now. Blah blah blah. I like turtles. My friends Eva and Claire are getting into a fight over which is better: tomatoes vs. potatoes. I don't care what they say, turtles are the best. But not as food. I mean, duh..._

_THIS IS JERRY AND PIE OWNS YOUR FACE!_

_Bleh, shut up, Jerry. You're not as cool as me. _

_ACCORDING TO WHO?_

_The fanfiction writers._

_WUT?_

_Apparently, Kim writes stuff for this website. She's gotten a lot of reviews for it. And they all think that she and I will get together._

_LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU PEOPLE ARE, BUT THAT IS **NEVER** GOING TO HAPPEN._

_Yeah, Jerry's right. I mean, Kim's like a vicious killer goat..._

"Excuse me?" We heard a female voice say behind me. Jerry and I slowly turned around to find Kim with a deadly smile on her face.

"Uh, n-n-nothing," I stammered.

"Jackson Lee Anderson," she said calmly. "You have five seconds before I-"

I didn't stick around for long enough to find out what she was going to do.

_Hey, this is Kim now. I honestly have to say that this is what Jerry and Jack act like most of the time. Except for the turtles thing. I have absolutely no idea what that is about._

_We do more than live, breathe, and eat karate. We have normal lives like everybody else...except for the fact that we all love caffeine. Maybe that's what made Jack like turtles out of the blue. He and Jerry were hopped up on enough sugar to kill a water buffalo. Maybe he's hiding something, secretly. Maybe he really does love turtles...sweet, blackmail material..._  
_Anyways, sayonara and see you soon._


End file.
